Learning Center

How to Talk to Your Partner About Money

When did you and your partner have the talk? The money talk, that is. Financial communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. And it can be challenging.

Have you ever had the experience of an ATM receipt reading “insufficient funds” because your partner paid a bill from your joint account earlier than you were expecting? Minor inconveniences such as these can lead to larger relationship problems. In fact, according to a recent study, 21 percent of couples cited money as the reason for their divorce. Discussing finances with a partner can introduce complexities into your relationship, as everyone has a different approach to managing money and debt. For instance, you may be comfortable taking risks with your money, but your partner may still want to keep their savings under their mattress.

The importance of talking about money with your partner transcends generations and relationship status. For example, while millennials may carry more debt from things like larger student loans, they have benefited from more attractive mortgage rates than previous generations. There are always important financial topics for you to discuss with your partner at every stage of life, like whether you are legally responsible for the other person’s finances or if you are just helping them set goals to pay down debt. According to Lisa Doering MacKenty, CFP®, Vice President and Investment Consultant, at Rockland Trust in Edgartown, “financial planning for all generations requires establishing a balance between debt, retirement, investment, housing, recreation and cash flow.”

Where (and How) to Start Your Conversations about Finances

While planning your financial future, it’s important to sit down with your partner to review your financial goals and ask the right questions. Are you planning to save for a car, wedding or home? Are you both saving for retirement? Do you or your partner have a car loan, credit card debt or student loans to repay?

Talking about finances might not be as fun as binge watching Netflix, but it’s critical to get on the same page for your financial, and often emotional, health. You will appreciate having an awkward conversation now rather than experiencing a life-changing surprise in 50 years when you’re looking to retire and realize your partner hasn’t been saving properly or is carrying more debt than you assumed.

Much like we all have different personalities, we all have our own personal approach to financial management. It’s possible your partner carries more debt, earns less money or is simply not a good saver. This may make it difficult for your partner to open up about their financial situation, so it’s important to remain empathetic throughout the process.

How Couples Can Stay Financially In Sync

While each relationship is unique, the following tips can help turn you and your partner into a financial dynamic duo.

Communication is essential. The path to couples financial nirvana begins with talking and transparency. Discuss your current financial situation from debt to savings and get on the same page when it comes to financial goals, such as saving for the down payment on a home or a big vacation. By setting expectations and guidelines for communications, you and your partner can hold hands through every financial hurdle.
Celebrate Financial Wins Together. Reward one another when you reach a financial milestone, such as paying off an auto loan or saving a certain amount of money. Doing the happy dance together gets you and your partner feeling good about setting your next goal.
Create a Joint Account Strategy. You should join accounts where it makes sense such as around shared expenses like a mortgage, but it’s important to maintain an individual account. According to Lisa, “it’s healthy to have joint assets and bills, plus each individual has their own income, assets and debt that they manage separately.” Maintaining an individual account provides each partner with more freedom -- and accountability -- when spending money on themselves and for any surprise gifts for their partner.
Set Ground Rules for Joint Accounts. It doesn’t matter if you’re 25 years old or 55 years old, sharing financial accounts requires both partners to be on the same page. By listing rules around when, and how much, money can be deposited or withdrawn or when a new charge can be made on a credit card, you can ensure that bills will still be paid on time and both partners will have the funds they need for day-to-day activities.
Rip Off the Band-Aid When the Unplanned Happens. Inevitably, we all run into financial surprises, from things we can’t control like car repairs or medical bills to more self-controlled spending binges such as shopping sprees. The key to financial bliss for couples is to have open lines of communication and a backup plan when things go wrong. That way, each feels comfortable sharing their financial “updates.”
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help or Advice. Even Batman and Robin ask other superheroes for help. Be comfortable talking to people you and your partner trust about how to navigate different financial situations and goals. For instance, your parents, friends and even your local Rockland Trust banker may have a similar experience or witnessed similar situations in the past and can help you.